The Gift of Death...

A great man went to heaven today. If you did not know him, you might think he was an ordinary human being. He battled his share of demons, just like we all do but he was a good dad, friend and became an incredible grandfather to many children. He brought a sense of humor to my childhood that showed me even in what feels like the darkest hours, laughter can be unbelievably incredible medicine.

In the last few days, I knew his death was coming. I find it fascinating he chose an extremely powerful day, the first of May as the day to finally let go. My heart goes out to all of those he is leaving behind. I have cried and cried all morning, for the loss and the joy as I see so many that went before him showing up to greet him. So many of them were taken suddenly way before any of us could have imagined. As a psychic medium, I see they are all waiting for him, happy, smiling, open arms of love, and the party…. Well, let’s just put it this way, those that have gone before him knew how to throw a party and things haven’t changed just because they are in the heavens!

As I have sat here all morning crying, I wonder if the tears are simply a release of emotions or something universally bigger than I. I am not his daughter, but my best friend I have known since birth is. Yet, just like when her mother suddenly passed, I cannot stop crying, I cannot stop feeling the pain of loss, the joy of the memories, the love of a man who fought his demons with everything he had. I feel as though I am crying for the first 25 years of my life when I felt I was not allowed to cry, to feel, to have many emotions. It was more like I was supposed to move through the world, smiling, happy, robotic, and numb to the pain in my heart, in my life. Am I crying now for the 25 years of not being allowed to feel? Is being so empathic simply part of my life purpose and I am finally remembering the depths of emotions?

I have to honor the voices that are still a part of me saying, “It is not okay to cry, to feel, to open your heart, this is not a safe way to live.” I respect that part of me, the little girl wounded by circumstances, yet I allow myself to open to love, pain, light, and darkness. I am the adult now who can hold the little girl, tell her I am sorry she is sad, and love her through the honest, raw emotion of losing another soul to the next dimension.

Sometimes, now, I feel like I cry for the generations of the divine feminine and sacred masculine who have been taught that being disconnected from their soul, their feelings, the love they deserve to honor is the best way to move through the world. It is a sense of honoring hundreds of thousands of people and it feels so extremely heavy yet so humbling all at the same time. I wonder how many others feel this sense of purpose in their lives, in their bones…this sense of heaviness?

Both the death of my dear friend and the recent death of Prince have reminded me once again that it is okay for each of us to be who we are in the world. Sensitive, tough, vulnerable, closed, tears, no tears, we are who we are and no matter what we all deserve love. Living with open hearts is one of the most vulnerable things we can do. I am still a work in progress, toiling to keep my heart open, my tears flowing whether happy tears or sad, knowing I am love…no matter what I look like, how I feel or who accepts me. Waking up again every morning, healthy and alive is another day for me to spread love, joy and gratitude to others and myself.

I leave you with one of my favorite Prince quotes….

Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today

to get through this thing called Life.

XOXO, Staci

(picture by Staci French 2016)

#death #life #vulnerability #divinefeminine #sacredmasculine #Prince

Soaking In The Light Of Self-Love

It is the first day of a new 365-page book we all get to write. A brand new year of possibilities, opportunities, lessons and, if we allow, endless creative prospects. As much sadness as I have felt for the last twenty-four hours, paradoxically, I am looking forward to increasing all of my mindful kindness in every moment of my life, in all interactions starting this first day of the New Year.

What I have come to realize through the deep sadness I have felt is that the year 2015 was one of truly understanding the lesson of self-love and letting go. I spent literally four decades doing everything I could to get those who love me to simply be present with me, to connect at a deep heart level. I learned at a very young age I was not enough. My self-worth became wrapped around attempting to figure out how to make chaos and crazy sane by being a “good” girl, by being a certain way depending on what person I desired to genuinely connect with. Perfection, hiding of my true self, having no personal boundaries, guilt, and eventually the loss of whom I was born to be was all part of my daily routine. I became what I thought those who loved me wanted me to be, needed me to be.

It has taken me forty years to finally figure out the only way I can honestly make a difference in the world is to be true to me, Staci French. What other people think of me, no matter what role they play in my life cards, is absolutely none of my business. Yes, I still work on this daily since it took so many eras to acquire; I know it will be a constant, conscious decision I make…to forever be faithful to me.

I see this awakening happening to many around me and throughout the world. The Universe, God, Krishna, Buddha, the Angels, whatever term you use, is doing everything it (they) possibly can to get us to wake up. Reality is even awake, the only way we can consciously shift the energy on this planet to pure love, is to open our hearts and love ourselves first and foremost. Even our own sun is assisting in this opening of our hearts by spewing new energy from its’ surface catapulting that power onto our planet.

The news media is doing everything they can to make us believe different. We are surrounded and bombarded with negative, horror and straight up crazy. The truth though is we are capable of shifting the evil by bringing it into our collective awareness of the light. There are enormous shifts happening in the Universe. If we can all start to connect with the darkness and allow the cracks of light to seep in, the dark loses power. This makes room for the brilliant light, the real connection we all desire, we all came from. It is impossible to love yourself, to embrace your entire being without excavating your own darkness, break it open and let the light in. It is the path through the fear, the route to the beauty and brilliance of self-love.

We are running out of time, the world needs us all to step up now. We have been wallowing in “what about me” for way to long now. As human soul beings, we have the ability to turn the tide. The Angels are aligned with us, doing all they can to get our attention. Frankly, we need to take ourselves on…now! Self-love!

If you are not there yet, wounded and wondering where to start, message me. We have all been there or are just rolling out of the quicksand ourselves. I am here to serve and we are literally all here to Walk Each Other Home!

Love to all of you…and may 2016 be Your Best Year Ever!!!

#selflove #newyear #shift #energy #creativeopportunities #lettinggo #trueyou #light #dark

Lessons From Mother Nature

Fall is changing to winter and as I walked through the forest the other day, I realized what a gift nature gives us. The wind was not blowing, but the leaves were falling onto my body at a rapid pace. As more and more released themselves from the trees, I smiled in the truth that Mother Nature has so many lessons for all of us humans. All these gorgeous trees were releasing that which no longer served their growth. It was not that they didn’t love their leaves, they knew that in order to become stronger, taller, more open to the potential growth of their future, they had to let go of what had served their purpose but was no longer needed.

Think about all the things, people, places, that no longer serve you in moving forward with your life. Everyone, every experience is a lesson to us, if we chose to look at it this way. Some people come into our lives for a particular reason and their presence is short lived. Others come to us for seasons and continue to reflect our beauty, our pain, the ability to change. Then, there are times when we must decide if these people are still serving our growth and if we are still serving their growth. Those can be difficult and challenging times because the reality is sometimes we must let go in order to flow forward. Our heart is not always ready to let go, but our soul knows we must travel on if we want to grow stronger, taller and open to our true life potential.

The last three to five years I have let go of many things and it has not been easy. At first, I fought hard, resisted, swearing I knew what I needed and letting go was not what I needed to do. I pushed on those close to me. I did all I could to force them to wake up and get on the conscious party train with me. What I really did was push them away. They weren’t ready, they may never be and it is okay. In all my resistance, I realized I was resisting my own lessons and attempting to make others learn them instead. I was not shedding my leaves, I was holding onto them with all my might, even though I knew they were dead, broken, crumbling, and hastily falling.

When I finally realized the internal battle I had waged upon myself which was affecting all of those around me, I stopped. The problem was, I didn’t know what else to do. This was all I had known my entire life…..hang on, don’t let go, keep dog paddling or you will drown, push, pull, control, but don’t let them see you crying or terrified. I decided the only thing I could do was pray.

The word “God” made me cringe, having been raised in a religion based on fear and control. I had to ease myself into a word that did not feel good in my soul, a word that brought back angry, fearful memories. Eventually, I was able to see God, the Universe, the Angels, myself, as One. I realized, we are the light, doing work of the light, having all come from the light.

I prayed all the time and my prayer went like this, “Dear God, I am scared, I am tired, I am lonely. I do not know what my purpose is in this lifetime but I know it is bigger than what I am living and I know I am here to serve. Please open me God to being your instrument to serve others. Please help me heal myself first so that I may be used by you to help heal the world. Please help me move through the fear, into love, light and healing of my soul. God, I am open to having no control and I am handing over the wheel to you. I do know after all these years, I have never been in control, it was all my own illusion. I love you God and I am here for you to use in whatever way you need. And so it is…Amen.” I said this prayer many times a day for months and nothing happened but I felt better. I knew energy that had been stuck for decades was starting to move through me, I could feel it. My interactions with those close to me started to change. I became quieter, thinking about what was kind before speaking. I was able to put myself in their shoes and stopped attempting to make them what I thought they should be. I didn’t know what else to do so I went inward and begged God to help me let go of the fear and open to love.

Eventually, I started letting my leaves drop and instead of frantically picking them up and trying to put them back on, I just watched them drop. I sent them love, I thanked them for being of service to me, for helping me grow stronger. I literally started living out of gratitude for every single thing in my life. If I lost my car keys, instead of becoming a crazed panicked lunatic, I stopped, said a prayer to my angels asking for their help, took a deep breath and then let go. Within seconds sometimes, I would find my keys, stop, look up and say, “Thank you.” I did this with everything including those reflecting back my own stuff I really didn’t want reflected back.

It has been almost six years since I started this practice. I have let go of a lot of leaves and I have been able to do it each time with love, gratitude and an ability to see they taught me so many wonderful lessons about myself. This growth only happened once I was able to let go of being in control, of being right.

Today, deep gratitude goes out to Mother Nature and all the trees around the world who teach us, if we pay attention, that in order to grow, one must be willing to let go, to take a leap of faith. That allowing your leaves to fall may actually be the one thing that propels your life forward, through the fear, the darkness of winter, the winds of change, the blizzards of snow, into the light and the birth of spring.

#God #Universe #lettinggo #angels #gratitude #livingfromlight #MotherNature #lessons